feeling unwell

has not been updating as much as i prefered.
much had happened.
but i feel like keeping most of it to myself.
maybe its my way of making that unreal.
u noe. its like when ure not saying it out loud. its not real. not confirmed. not there.
so im gonna block that knowledge out of my mind and pray real hard.
can i just cry and hope everything is treatable?
amin.

today marks our 3 years and 5 months anniv.
cant believe i found a man who can stand my whines and cries, n screams.
he may not be the "gentlest" man in the world.
but he is indeed the best.
is it too early to say that he's THE ONE?
again. something to pray for.

so this is my final sem.
i should be happy.
but im terribly scared of the future.
master is the safest choice.
but m not sure if i want it.
if i can do it.
if thats the best.
thoughts are filling my mind,
suffocating me.

im feeling sombre.
uia has this effects on me,
and the fan is making me sick.

i miss my out of wifi coverage room.
i miss my cats.
i miss patting them.
trying to give them equal attention.
i miss having my comfort zone.
i miss the familiarity of all.
i miss the predictiveness of my activites.

i miss kch, n ive been here for only 3 days.
the HAZE is killing me.